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Journal

Night Fell

20 August, 2015 |

"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day." ~Vincent Van Gogh

Rain- A Journey Through Postpartum

20 August, 2015 |

There will be time for tears, I will wobble, I will have my moments...but not here, not in this space. Because today unlike the days I've brought life to this earth, this rain...this rain is for me.


{The 4th Trimester}

20 August, 2015 |

When the moment where you've just brought life into this world for the second time, and are now facing your own mortality arises, fear is so tangible you can cut it with a knife. The room deafens, faces change, and husbands crumble.

{39+5 weeks}

20 August, 2015 |

"Time is an old firmly rooted tree; we are the breeze rustling its leaves." ~Terri Guillemets

My Mother She Taught Me

11 November, 2014 |

"If a Mother's success is to be measured by whether she teaches her child that he or she can do whatever they put their minds to, she is a triumphant Mother." My Mother

32+5 weeks- Stength, Where The Light Shines The Brightest

11 November, 2014 |

To recognize the good that surrounds me, and that the life I carry, no matter how hard it is at times, is a precious gift from God.


31+5 weeks- I Know You

11 November, 2014 |

In the end, I will follow you, I will take my time, breath, and ease you into this world. A birth of the soul heart and mind. In the end, we'll gaze at one another, I'll know you, and you will know me...I'm your mama, and you are mine forever.

Saying Yes- Yes To The Mess

29 September, 2014 |

Screen shot 2014-09-29 at 12.30.17 PM

Screen shot 2014-09-29 at 12.30.17 PM

We went to the grand opening of a local women's health/birthing center to support my husband over the weekend. Of course I wanted Elly to look her best, but donkey rides, sidewalk chalk, fried pickles, bounce houses, and sticky treats had other ideas. The desire to pick her up and dust her off every five seconds was very real...but watching her enjoy life to the fullest, running around with other children, wrapped in laughter made me take pause. What is childhood without green knees from freshly cut grass, or sticky remnants of bright red Popsicles stuck to their cheeks? They don't care about their new shoes, or keeping up appearances. Life is there simply to be LIVED! So I said yes to the mess, yes to making her childhood everything it should be, yes to living, I mean really living. Because you only get one childhood and she deserves nothing less.


This Moment

29 September, 2014 |

Screen shot 2014-09-29 at 12.28.56 PM

Screen shot 2014-09-29 at 12.28.56 PM

...In a moment, the tears, the sleepless nights, the doubt, the "am I a good mother?", the tantrums, all my frustrations, the "hard" part of motherhood, is washed away. All that's left is the beauty, the enchanting, spellbinding beauty of this moment.

29+4 weeks - Any Price

22 September, 2014 |

Screen shot 2014-09-22 at 2.36.56 PM

Screen shot 2014-09-22 at 2.36.56 PM

{With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood. ~Isadora Duncan} And so the hard part begins. I was hoping to skip this part, since the rest of my pregnancy has been a cool breeze, compared to when I carried Elly, but here I am. Prodromal labor/irritable uterus, call it what you may, ten weeks of REAL contractions will test the will power of any mother. When I carried Elly, I thought my body was failing me, I cursed those last weeks, praying, wishing it would all just be over. This is where pregnancy became work, this is where I wanted to quit, this is where I question my ability as a women to carry life.

I know now that it's just me, it's the way I carry my children into this world. So here we go, I have to believe it'll be easier this time around, for my sanity, for my peace of mind. I know the reward that waits for me at the end of this and for you my sweet child I would pay any price.


forgivness

22 September, 2014 |

Screen shot 2014-09-22 at 2.32.38 PM

{To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. ~Lewis B. Smedes}

Forgiveness is not only something we should show others, we must also learn how to forgive ourselves. Just as He has forgiven us, time and time again. Motherhood, parenthood for that matter, with all it's blessings will test the very fibers of your being. It can unravel you like thread on a spool, and bring you to your breaking point.

We all have moments where we fail, or rather flail at parenting, moments where we'd like to lock ourselves in a closet and just cry by ourselves for a moment. Some days I lay in bed thinking, "man, I rocked this parenting thing today!" While others I lay defeated, desperately attempting to get a rambunctious toddler to sleep, watching as the minutes and hours tic away, dreading the rising sun.

Dawn, it brings with it new beginnings, a fresh start, a new day, a chance to rock the heck out of this parenting gig. Forgive yourself for yesterday, because well, today is a blessing, it's brand new day

love

22 September, 2014 |

Screen shot 2014-09-22 at 2.29.58 PM

{To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter. ~Euripides}

I fell in love with this man when I was 16 years old...And the day he kissed me as we stood at the top of a mountain in Muir Woods...And the day he asked me to marry him...And the day we danced in front of family and friends at our wedding... And the day his face lit up when I told him we were expecting our first child...And the day our daughter was born and he melted into tears of joy, telling me she was perfect...Just as I fell in love with him today as he rocked our daughter to sleep. I plan on falling in love with this man for the rest of my life.