I write this with a sweet baby fast asleep on my chest, her milky sweetness fills the air and I am home, home in myself, home in my soul.
Time is slowly running away from me, moments filled with "the stuff we have to do." I turned twenty eight this past Wednesday. As I look back, on what seems to be my very short life, I smile, not thinking about the time I spent working, or fighting, or crying, or laughing, but I think of the people i've met, the love i've shared and the person I created. I rest my head back on my chair, as memories come seeping back into my mind, like water rising from the floor, warm and inviting, hopelessly getting lost in what was, and is my life.
Becoming a mother has been the most miraculous thing to have ever happened to me. To be born again in this little soul has changed what I viewed life to be. Everything is new, everything is different, I am changed down to the smallest cell, forever a mother. My mind, still young, is pulled in separate directions, torn with the content of what I've done, and the restlessness of what I have yet to accomplish. Moments passed that could have been filled with something more productive, moments I wouldn't change for the world. There was a time when 'time,' was endless, naps were longer, and spare time was taken for granted. I can't help but feeling somewhat melancholy, knowing that part of my life is forever gone. Moments spent dancing till the sun came up, sitting back and disappearing into a room as philosophical conversations of life and God naively fill the air.
Moving into a new space of life is strange, at times I feel as if I am one hundred years old. I know that's just my eager young heart desperatly reaching, yet not grasping what it really is to have been on this earth for one hundred years. Think of the memories made, the lives lived, the lives lost, the stories told, the scars, the vast expansion of thought.
I spent a cool evening with one of my best friends, slash soulmate, slash sister, slash twin yesterday. Warmed by a blanket and words shared outside on my patio. She has such a beautiful soul and mind, the depths of her unknown to even herself. We spoke of life, as we often do, I listened as the struggles she faces left her mouth. Though I couldn't help feeling pangs of joy, knowing that in her moments of struggle and searching, there lies a happiness ahead of her that is glowing with light.
The anticipation of what comes next is such a gift. To be able to look down at a product of the love I share with my husband, my best friend, my lover, my everything is gift enough this year. Everything else is surplus. This life, this time spent here has shaped who I am, I cannot wait to see who I will become over the next 28 years.
I am so blessed to have my life intertwined with such beautiful souls.
Peace & Love,