Journal

That longing for moments to stay resulted in me clinging tightly to those precious moments I knew would eventually come to an end. It’s changed the way I look at life, now I go all in, whatever it is, I'm right there, present, deep in the experience. Carpe Diem, it's something that I work at every day without fail, I acknowledge those heavyhearted feelings and then pack them away so I can fully immerse myself in my life.

I thought there would be rainbows,

I thought the storm had passed,

that the clouds were clearing.

I wrap my arms around myself tighter, my breath clouds the air,

I remind myself that it’s just weather,

it’s all just weather,

the sun will rise again.

The sky began to warm with spirit of the morning as I drove the rest of winding road home, quiet and alone I smiled, through the tears and the pain and the uncertainty, I smiled, they had made it, my monarchs.

A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. ~Victor Hugo

There's a restlessness that stirs. A longing for a life slower than the current pace my feet have chosen. A yearning to dig my toes into the sand, as I watch as my children run free into the calm waters surrounding the Island that harbors my father's youth.

Time, you are a funny thing, you trespass gradually, and in a way, all at once. Clever...very clever.

Remember when you were a child and fifteen minutes seemed like a lifetime? It was as if you could pack the span of a day into those nine hundred seconds.

So I smiled, flipped my hair, and took a picture. So when I'm lost in the forest of motherhood, hidden under the laundry, the dishes, and the everyday routine, I can look at this picture and remember...I'm still me, the same crazy girl taking a selfie in the mirror.

"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day." ~Vincent Van Gogh

There will be time for tears, I will wobble, I will have my moments...but not here, not in this space. Because today unlike the days I've brought life to this earth, this rain...this rain is for me.